church: unrealistic expectations

I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘church’ lately. I’ve had to, as I’ve been taking an introductory subject on ecclesiology, but I’ve found that this subject actually matters to me — ecclesiology is the area of theology that I have already thought about a lot, outside of study. I can understand ecclesiology more than, say, Christology, because I find it easier to deal with events and ideas in human history than abstract, undemonstrable theories. And ecclesiology matters to me because it is where (I feel) theology meets human action and relationship.

I am troubled by the attitude to church that a relative of mine demonstrates. He participates in church by singing in the choir and receiving communion, but does not attend when choir is in recess, and does not participate in any other way. His argument seemed to be that church means community, and his experience of community — of people being together — has been overwhelmingly negative, so he avoids community as much as possible. He is willing to put up with community involvement in activities that matter to him, such as cultural activities, but church does not matter that much.

I can’t address the question of the importance of faith in comparison with other areas of life, because that is so subjective. But his understanding of church and community bothers me. He sees no problem in participating in an individual, one-on-one level (with God?) — receiving the word or sacrament as a product for individual consumption. His evaluation of human society is realistic, but fatalistic — he admits that human communities are inevitably flawed and hypocritical, and that, for him, is a reason to avoid them. There is no sense that anything positive could come out of communal activity, or that one could try to improve one’s relationships.

He has also expressed the belief that Christians are supposed to be above hypocrisy, backstabbing, bitchiness, etc. — as if the sacrament of baptism permanently washes away all character flaws. This seems like an unrealistic, idealistic view of the gospel. It sets impossible standards for all people — he can never be happy with the behaviour of other people, because nobody is perfect — and there does not seem to be any room for grace or forgiveness.

I can’t expect to change anybody’s mind, but it helps to take time to try to understand this view and my reactions to it. There must be many people, both inside and outside the church, who see the church this way. Unrealistic expectations can turn people away from church, or can make church members judgemental and unforgiving. Perhaps a more realistic view comes through admission of one’s own sin, and through that, more realistic expectations of other people. The liturgical, communal confession of sin is a vital instrument for this — if people listen to what they say.